I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
