Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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