i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
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