It's Friday. Sex?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
