meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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