so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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