she was so not down for the gang bang
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
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