i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
