Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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