I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
