I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
