great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
