I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
