his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
