i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
