6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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