I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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