I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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