my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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