Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
