Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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