Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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