would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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