even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
