I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
