Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
