My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
