Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize