my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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