I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
