wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
