He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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