Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
