giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize