All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
