For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
