i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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