Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
