i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
