would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
