Im at strip club and am horny
Sponge bath it is.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
