so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
