ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
After last night, I could never be a politician.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
