Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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