There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
