I'm drive I can fine osifer
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
