His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had to cum in my sink.
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