If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
