Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
