Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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