you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
