Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
We have started to decorate penises.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
