after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Randomize
