How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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