I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
