dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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