How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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