A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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