Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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