Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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