shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
