Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Still dying that you shit outside
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
