I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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