I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
