just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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