i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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