and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
