dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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