Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
