You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
