the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
