That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
