I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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