There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We got so high we made milksteak
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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