just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
