sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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